“There’s a Communist Living in the White House” (Victoria Jackson with Aaron Klein)

Victoria Jackson sings the updated version of her hit song “There’s a Communist Living in the White House.” She is joined by Aaron Klein.

Victoria Jackson: “There’s A Communist Living in the White House!!” The ORIGINAL

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Father Guido Sarducci’s Five Minute University

Now you can get a college degree WITHOUT a Student Loan!  Those of you old enough may recall Father Guido Sarducci, a regular character on Saturday Night Live in the 1970sCreated and performed by comedian Don Novello, one of Sarducci’s more popular comedy bits is “Five Minute University,” wherein the chain-smoking priest offers to teach you all the things a college graduate will remember five years after graduation . . . in five minutes. “It would cost like 20 dollars!”

Five Minute University

by Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)

I find that education, it don’t matter where you go to school, Italy, America, Brazil, all are the same — it’s all this memorization and it don’t matter how long you can remember anything just so you can parrot it back for the tests.

I got this idea for a school I would like to start, something called the Five Minute University. The idea is that in five minutes you learn what the average college graduate remembers five years after he or she is out of school.

It would cost like twenty dollars. That might seem like a lot of money, twenty dollars just for five minutes, but that’s for like tuition, cap and gown rental, graduation picture, snacks, everything. Everything included.

You know, like in college you have to take a foreign language. Well, at the Five Minute University you can have your choice, any language you want you can take it. Say if you want to take Spanish, what I teach you is “¿Como está usted?” that means, “how are you”, and the answer is “muy bien,” means “very well.” And believe me, if you took two years of college Spanish, five years after you are out of school “¿Como está usted?” and “muy bien” about all you’re gonna remember.

So in my school that’s all you learn. You see, you don’t have to waste your time with conjugations and vocabulary, all that junk. You’ll just forget it anyway, what’s the difference.

Economics? “Supply and Demand.” That’s it. Business is, “you buy something, and you sell it for more.” Theology, I’m gonna have a theology department, you know, since I’m a priest, and what you have to learn in theology is the answer to the question, “Where is God?”, and the answer is, “God is everywhere.” Why? “Because he likes you.” That’s kind of a combination of the Disney and Roman Catholic philosophy. It’s just perfect for the late 70s or early 80s you know, just perfect.

Well, after the courses are all over, then it’s time for a little Easter vacation. No time to go to Fort Lauderdale, only lasts for like twenty seconds. But what I’ll do for you, I like to turn on the sun lamp you know, give you a little glass of orange juice, that’s for the snack part, orange juice, and then after vacation it’s time for the final exams. I say to you, “¿Como está usted?” you say “muy bien,” “Where is God?” “God is everywhere,” Economics, “supply and demand,” then you put on a cap and a gown, I get out my Polaroid camera, you know, make a little snap flash picture for you, I give you the picture, you give me twenty dollars, I give you a diploma, and you’re a college graduate, ready to go.

I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure, right next door to the five minute university, I might open up a little law school. You got another minute?

Diplomas Coming Soon!

 

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Dave’s Lemonade Moonshine Recipe AKA Dave’s Harder Lemonade

We found a great buy on Fresh Lemons today at our local WalMart.  I had pleasing thoughts of Fresh Lemonade, and Ice Tea with Fresh Lemon Slices . . . but Then It Came to Me . . . Like a Flash of Burning Everclear . . . Lemonade Moonshine!  What a perfect solution for all those Lemons.  And so the experiment began with me squeezing lemons.  I decided to use the same proportions as I did with my Sour Mix Recipe.  On this experiment I am using 151 Proof Everclear for two reasons, number one, many of our readers only have access to 151 Proof and number two, its all my liquor store had.  Here’s the recipe:

Ingredients:
2 cups Fresh Squeezed Lemon Juice
6 cups Water
2 cups Granulated Sugar
2 cups 151 Proof Everclear

1: Put the water and sugar in a small pot, heat over medium heat until the sugar has dissolved and the water starts to clear.  It does not need to boil. Stir occasionally so you do not burn the sugar.  Now let it cool.

2:  Add the Lemon Juice and the Everclear to your syrup, stir it all together and bottle it.  Like all other liqueurs it mellows with age, a few hours, a few days, a few weeks . . . it’s up to you!

This recipe yields about 3 quarts.

This recipe is a little tart, but it’s what I prefer.  If it’s too sour for you add a little sugar, a tablespoon at a time until you get the taste you want.  This is the Joy of Making Your Own, you customize it to your taste.

Posted in Liqueurs, Moonshine | 61 Comments

How to Make Your Own Sour Mix

This is a simple recipe for making your own Sour Mix for your home bar.  Last summer I made the mistake of reading the label on a bottle of Sour Mix . . . I could not believe the Paragraph long list of ingredients, most of which are not needed unless you want to keep it for a year or two.  So, I decided to make my own using fresh ingredients.  Here are the results, this is made to my own personal taste, you can increase or decrease the sugar amount until you achieve something YOU like.

Variation 1:  Lemon/Lime Sour (All Purpose)

1/2 cup Fresh Squeezed Lemon Juice
1/2 cup Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice
1 to 1 1/4 cups Granulated Sugar (To Taste)
3 cups Water

1: Put the water and sugar in a small pot, heat over medium heat until the sugar has dissolved, it does not have to boil. Now let it cool.
2: Pour in the lemon and lime, stir it all together. You’re done! Refrigerate it until you’re ready to use it.

Variation 2:  Lime Sour for Margaritas

1 cup Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice
1 to 1 1/4 cups Granulated Sugar (To Taste)
3 cups Water

1: Put the water and sugar in a small pot, heat over medium heat until the sugar has dissolved, it does not have to boil. Now let it cool.
2: Pour in the Lime, stir it all together. You’re done! Refrigerate it until you’re ready to use it.

Variation 3:  Lemon Sour

1 cup Fresh Squeezed Lemon Juice
1 to 1 1/4 cups Granulated Sugar (To Taste)
3 cups Water

1: Put the water and sugar in a small pot, heat over medium heat until the sugar has dissolved, it does not have to boil. Now let it cool.
2: Pour in the Lemon, stir it all together. You’re done! Refrigerate it until you’re ready to use it.

I have put both the lemon and lime into pint mason jars with a slice of lemon or lime, they make a great refreshing alternative to soft drinks.

These recipes yield a little over a quart.

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HumbleVet’s Apple Pie Moonshine Recipe

HumbleVet’s Apple Pie Moonshine Recipe

This version comes from one of our members, HumbleVet, it packs a pretty good punch with a nice flavor. We have found that it causes speech to slur and has been known to make people fall down on occasion. Enjoy!

16 oz. Apple Cider
16 oz. Apple Juice
2 Tablespoons Sugar
2 Tablespoons Brown Sugar
2 Cinnamon Sticks

8 oz. Everclear
3 oz. Buttershots (Butterscotch Schnapps)
1 1/2 oz. Hot Damn (Cinnamon Schnapps)
1/2 teaspoon Vanilla Extract (Optional)

1. Put the Apple Cider, Apple Juice, Sugar and Cinnamon Sticks in a pot, (I use a 9 cup Pyrex coffee pot for a small batch like this).

2. Bring the ingredients up to a boil, then drop down the heat and let it simmer until the Cinnamon Sticks start to open up. Shut off the heat, set it aside.

3. Let it cool down to room temperature, (I have a friend who always lets his sit overnight). Stir in your alcohol, add the vanilla extract (optional). You can sample it now, but it will taste better if you age it overnight or longer if you can wait.

This recipe makes a little over a quart. The nice thing is that when you fill up a quart jar or bottle there is some left over for sampling.

Posted in Liqueurs, Moonshine | 37 Comments

DoG’s Blackberry Moonshine Liqueur

This is for all of you Blackberry aficionados and by request from a couple of site members. Here are two recipes that were given to me about 10 or so years ago, I had to find them in my files, (actually a stack of miscellaneous notes on scraps of paper in a file folder.) I am unsure of the source. The first is using fresh Blackberries and the second is for those who cannot wait, it uses blackberry flavoring extract. This, like the rest of our “Moonshine” is actually a liqueur made from distilled liquors, they are fun to make, can be customized to your own taste and are certainly cheaper than the store bought equivalent.

DoG’s Blackberry Moonshine Liqueur No 1

2 cups Blackberries, washed, choose only the best to use
1 cup Sugar
1 cup 100-Proof Vodka
1 cup Brandy
1 cup Light Corn Syrup
1 teaspoon Lemon Zest
1 tablespoon fresh squeezed Lemon Juice

  1. Put the Blackberries in a clean 2 Quart jar and add sugar. Crush the berries with a wooden spoon and let them stand for 1 hour.
  2. Add Vodka and Brandy, cap it tightly and shake it vigorously.
  3. Add Corn Syrup, Lemon Zest and Lemon Juice. Let it stand in a cool dark place for 2 weeks.
  4. Use cheese cloth or a fine-mesh strainer to strain out the solids. Throw them out.
  5. Transfer to a clean container and let everything settle for a week.
  6. Filter into your final container. It’s best if you cover and age this for 1 month.

This should yield about 1 quart.

Now for those of you who cannot wait, the following is our KISS method Shortcut.

DoG’s Blackberry Moonshine Liqueur No 2

1 ½ cups Sugar
1 cup Water
1 ½ teaspoons Blackberry Flavoring Extract
1 ½ cups 100-Proof Vodka

  1. Make a simple syrup by bringing the sugar and water to a boil over medium-high heat, while stirring constantly to prevent burning of the sugar. When the liquid is clear, remove it from the heat and let it stand until just warm. (Alcohol evaporates at a little over 170 degrees)
  2. Pour this into a clean 1 quart jar with a tight fitting lid. Add your Flavoring and Vodka, Put a Lid On It and Shake It Up. You are done with your creation.
  3. You can drink this right away but it will taste better if you can wait a week or two or three!

This yields about a fifth.

For those those of you who don’t know, DoG’s are our initials’, Dave or Gretchen.  I was told it could not be GoD’s because that one was already taken and could be considered politically incorrect . . . as if I ever have been!  I hope you enjoy, Dave

Posted in Liqueurs, Moonshine | 23 Comments

Hunters who kill animals for food, shame on you . . . The rest of the story!

This was a readers response to the following article from the Wyoming Tribune Eagle which can be found on WyomingNews.com.  Folks, just remember as you read this, this person probably drives, votes AND, may have already reproduced.  God help America!

First Deer A Two Year Ordeal

The deer by the headlights of a truck, taken with a camera phone.

 
“I’ve been waiting two years to do this,” I told my friend Dan Bjornlie, signing my first deer license.

We stood on top of a ridge, overlooking the canyon country of the Laramie Mountain Range. At our feet was a nice little buck. It was the first of three days we planned to spend hunting for deer, and the signature meant more than meat in the freezer.

It had taken some time to work up the courage to enter in this world of hunting – a world so far from my initial comfort zone. Half-heartedly, I had tried to accomplish this goal last year.

Somehow fate and weather read my mind, and smacked me squarely in the back of the head, first near Lander with Bjornlie, and then more firmly, and resolutely, on a second attempt in the Black Hills.

That was the trip Harry Harju and I were stranded in a camper as a blizzard raged outside. The weatherman had predicted 3-6 inches of snow and mild winds. We had hunted the previous afternoon and went to sleep expecting only minor weather. Waking up, I heard Harju open the camper door and let out a trademark expletive.

I’m sure the word “friggin” was thrown in there somewhere as well, because I don’t think there’s any word Harju likes to say more than “friggin.”

“You have no idea how screwed we are,” he said, stepping back in the camper.

These were not the words I wanted to hear from this hunting legend. The trailer was all but drifted in. Snow came up to our thighs in places. After spending the better part of a morning digging out the truck, we decided we should hoof it out. About 100 yards into that, we decided that was a thoroughly stupid idea and
returned to the camper to wait for help.

The time runs together in my mind now. I still have flashes of howling winds, frosted over windows and Harju singing the oldies.

On the third day (or maybe it was the second) a group of guys from the local timber mill saved our snowed in butts with a grater they had driven up the drift-laden road.

The story still nets me a few e-mails every now and then.

“Hey, aren’t you the girl that got stranded up in the trailer with Harju?” they ask.

Yep, that was me, I tell them.

The entire ordeal made me think twice this year before picking up a license. Would I be struck by a falling tree, or better yet, hit by lightening?

The previous years were out of my comfort zone, and while I always try to branch out from that zone, I also needed a firm foundation. We picked a spot that was close to home. I knew this spot, and that became my comfort zone. The first morning started before the sun came up. We were greeted by a small fork horn, which must have stood there and looked at us for about five minutes.

Morning came and went. Does were crawling all over the place, but a decent buck was yet to be spotted. That afternoon, Bjornlie, Cole Sherard and I cut north, heading for wide open hills, dotted with shrubs and severed by steep, sometimes rocky draws.

Bjornlie spotted the small group of deer on a hillside. The buck was buddied up with a few does, grazing on a wide open hillside. They spotted us from their vantage point, and we cut down the hill, out of sight, closing the distance between us and them.

Crawling up the ridge, I could see them starting to catch on that something was up. Another move and their heads popped up, all staring directly at me. Totally busted.

But they just stood, 100 yards out, almost broad side and stock still. It was like hunting with training wheels. I set my crosshairs in a second that seemed like a thousand years.

I don’t recall pulling the trigger, but I must have, because an ear-shattering gunshot ricocheted off the surrounding mountains. The does scattered and the buck went short distance before going down in a shrub.

After a short amount of time, we crossed over the ridge to find him. He was a beautiful deer, young and fat, ready for the looming winter. Digging through my pack, I pulled out my license and searched for a pen.

“Well,” Sherard said. “You better call Harry.”

Shauna Stephenson is the outdoors editor at the Wyoming Tribune-Eagle. You can reach her at 702 W. Lincolnway, Cheyenne, WY 82001, by phone at (307) 633-3186 or at sstephenson@wyomingnews.com

 

 

 

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Dave’s Peach Pie Moonshine Recipe

We have had many request for a Peach Pie Moonshine recipe, so after testing by myself, some friends and a member of our site, the following recipe is our final result. If you have a recipe of your own, Please email it to us.

This is the recipe yields a little over 3 fifths, you can easily double this recipe if you want a bigger batch..

Ingredients:

½ gallon (64 oz.) Welch’s White Grape Peach Juice
1 ½ cups White Sugar
1 can Sliced Peaches (15-16 oz.)
3 Cinnamon Sticks
½ cup ( 4oz.) Peach Schnapps

Bring this to a boil, then let it simmer covered for about an hour. Let it cool down to room temperature then add the following:

1 cup (8-9 oz.) 190 proof Grain Alcohol, Everclear, Graves, etc.
½ cup (4 oz.) Peach Schnapps

You may have to strain this a couple of times through cheesecloth. Now just pour it into some Mason Jars and let it sit for a couple of weeks in a cool dark place. You can drink it right away but the flavor does mellow and taste better.

So far, the comments have been:

I made the Peach Pie and it was amazing. Everyone loves it just as much if not more than the apple.” from Eric, a Co-Conspirator and Good Ole Ways site member.

This stuff is freakin’ unbelievable ! ! !” from Chris, a Taster and Friend.

Crazy good ! ! !” from Ken, a Taster and Friend.

 

 

Posted in DoGs Secret Recipe File, Liqueurs, Moonshine | 233 Comments

How to Make a Cocktail

Cocktails:

Cocktails are a mixture of liquor and liqueur and are sweet and smooth.  They used to be served as after dinner drinks, but are now enjoyed any time of the day.  Cocktails are generally served “on the rocks” in a Rocks Glass (about 8 ounces) or Highball Glass (10-12 ounces) with a 3 to 1 ratio of liquor to liqueur.  If you use too much liqueur, the drink becomes too sweet.  These could be called 2 ounce Cocktails because you will be using 1 ½ oz. of liquor and ½ oz. of liqueur.  When you see the word “white” in a drink name it means you will be using cream, which will be added last.

Preparation Method
1.  Use a Rocks or Highball glass filled with ice
2.  Pour liquor
3.  Pour liqueur
4.  Pour cream, if indicated
5.  Garnish, if indicated
6.  Add a Stir Stick

1.   Kahlua & Cream                                            2.   Smith & Kearns
Rocks Glass                                                                  Highball Glass
1 ½ oz. Kahlua                                                             1 ½ oz. Kahlua or Creme de Cacao
½ oz. Cream                                                                 ½ oz. Cream and Add splash of Club Soda

3.   White Russian                                                 4.  Black Russian
Rocks Glass                                                                    Highball Glass
1 ½ oz. Vodka                                                                1 ½ oz. Vodka
½ oz. Kahlua                                                                  ½ oz. Kahlua
½ oz. Cream

5.   Colorado Bulldog                                          6.   Blind Russian
Highball Glass                                                              Rocks Glass
1 ½ oz. Vodka                                                               1 ½ oz. Vodka
½ oz. Kahlua                                                                 ½ oz. Irish Cream
½ oz. Cream
½ oz. Coke

7.   Dirty White Mother                                      8.   Dirty Mother
Highball Glass                                                              Rocks Glass
1 ½ oz. Brandy                                                             1 ½ oz. Brandy
½ oz. Kahlua                                                                ½ oz. Kahlua
Fill with Cream

9.   Stinger                                                             10.  French Connection
Rocks Glass                                                                 Brandy Snifter
1 ½ oz. Brandy                                                           1 ½ oz. Courvoisier
½ oz. White Crème de Menthe                               ½ oz. Grand Marnier

11.  Snow Shoe                                                     12.  Rusty Nail
Rocks Glass                                                                 Rocks Glass
1 ½ oz. Wild Turkey                                                  1 ½ oz. Scotch
½ oz. Peppermint Schnapps                                   ½ oz. Drambuie

13.  Godfather                                                      14.  Godmother
Rocks Glass                                                                 Rocks Glass
1 ½ oz. Scotch                                                            1 ½ oz. Vodka
½ oz. Amaretto                                                          ½ oz. Amaretto

15.  Godchild                                                        16.  Toasted Almond
Rocks Glass                                                                Rocks Glass
1 ½ oz. Brandy                                                          1 ½ oz. Amaretto
½ oz. Amaretto                                                         ½ oz. Kahlua and a Splash of Cream

17.  Kamikaze
Rocks Glass                                                                18.  Vodka/Gin Gimlet
1 ½ oz. Vodka                                                            Rocks Glass
½ oz. Triple Sec                                                        2 oz. Vodka or Gin
Splash of Rose’s Lime Juice                                   ½ oz. Rose’s Lime Juice
Lime Wedge Garnish                                               Lime Wedge Garnish

19.  Old Fashioned                                               When making a “muddled” drink,
Rocks Glass                                                                put the orange, cherry, bitters &
4-5 drops Bitters                                                       sugar in the empty glass and mash
1 teaspoon or pack of sugar                                    with a muddler. Then add the ice,
2 oz. Bourbon or Whiskey                                      bourbon and club soda.
Splash or Fill with Club Soda                                Cherry/Orange Garnish

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How to make Cream Cocktails

Cream Cocktails:

Cream Cocktails are usually served as an after dinner drink or as a relaxing refreshment. These drinks are usually made with Half-and-Half but can also be made with vanilla ice cream for a thicker, richer tasting drink. Liqueurs or cordials, containing 2 ½ percent sugar and usually a lower alcoholic content, are used to give these drinks their pleasant, sweet taste. The majority of cream drinks use Crème de Cacao and Half-and-Half for their basic ingredients and it is the third ingredient that gives its special flavor and name. Cream drinks should be shaken in a metal mixing cup to create a chilled and creamy drink when served straight up in a chilled glass.

Your glassware could be a Champagne Glass, you will need a glass that holds about 3 ½ to 4 ounces. If you haven’t pre-chilled your glasses, don’t worry, put a hand full of ice and some water into each glass while you are preparing your Cream treats. Just remember to dump it out before you strain your drink into it.

Preparation Method:

                                          1. Metal Mixing cup with 1 small scoop of ice.
                                          2. Pour 2 ounces of Half-and-Half
                                          3. Pour ½ ounce of each Liqueur
                                          4. Shake 5 to 10 seconds
                                          5. Strain into a chilled glass

Following are 14 of the most popular cream drinks.

1.  Grasshopper                                                                2.  Golden Cadillac
      2 oz. Half-and-Half                                                               2 oz. Half-and-Half
      ½ oz. White Crème de Cacao                                              ½ oz. White Crème de Cacao
      ½ oz. Green Crème de Menthe                                          ½ oz. Galliano

3.  Banshee                                                                         4.  Pink Squirrel
      2 oz. Half-and-Half                                                              2 oz. Half-and-Half
      ½ oz. White Crème de Cacao                                             ½ oz. White Crème de Cacao
      ½ oz. Crème de Banana                                                      ½ oz. Crème de Almond/Noya

5.  Brandy Alexander                                                     6.  Golden Dream
      2 oz. Half-and-Half                                                               1 ½ oz. Half-and-Half
      ½ oz. Brown Crème de Cacao                                             ½ oz. Orange Juice
      ½ oz. Brandy                                                                          ½ oz. Galliano
      Nutmeg Garnish                                                                    ½ oz. Triple Sec

7.  Toasted Almond                                                         8.  Pink Lady
      2 oz. Half-and-Half                                                                2 oz. Half-and-Half
      ½ oz. Kahlua                                                                          ½ oz. Gin
      ½ oz. Amaretto                                                                     ½ oz. Grenadine

9.  Velvet Hammer                                                          10. Blue Carnation
      2 oz. Half-and-Half                                                               2 oz. Half-and-Half
      ½ oz. White Crème de Cacao                                              ½ oz. White Crème de Cacao
      ½ oz. Triple Sec                                                                      ½ oz. Blue Curacao

11. Creamsicle                                                                   12. Mudslide
       1 ½ oz. Half-and-Half                                                          1 ½ oz. Half-and-Half
       ½ oz. White Crème de Cacao                                              ½ oz. Irish Cream
       ½ oz. Triple Sec                                                                      ½ oz. Vodka
       ½ oz. Orange Juice                                                               ½ oz. Kahlua

13. Raspberries & Cream                                               14. Alexander
       2 oz. Half-and-Half                                                                2 oz. Half-and-Half
       ½ oz. White Crème de Cacao                                              ½ oz. Brown Crème de Cacao
       ½ oz. Raspberry Liqueur                                                     ½ oz. Gin
                                                                                                           Nutmeg Garnish

A few final notes, the recipes I have shared with you are what you would be served at your local bar. These are the same recipes taught by several of the professional bartending schools, I know because I graduated from one. You can, if you wish increase the amounts of the liqueurs to ¾ ounce or even 1 ounce while leaving the Half-and-Half amount the same. It is a matter of personal taste. My personal preferance is to enjoy several drinks over the course of an evening, rather than have a couple of strong ones and be done for the night.

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